Monday, July 13, 2009
Ms Nibblings Advice for Idiots
After many years of research and study, Ms Nibblings has concluded that the humans on planet earth who truly use the good advice given, are Idiots. Ms Nibblings has intense love and understanding for Idiots and invites you to bother her with questions/comments that are making your blood boil, your eyes roll, your nerves twitch, and your stomach suck in. Please do not hold Ms Nibblings responsible for her answers, either short or long. I love you all. Ms Nibblings
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ReplyDeleteDear Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteI have a 'friend' that keeps calling me, and wants to hang out, I feel like she is just using me, what do I do?
love
"Wants to be nice, but I'm annoyed dang it!"
What do I do about all the cats hanging around my shop?
ReplyDeleteMiss Candida: She's an angel God sent to test you. Take her to a free movie and He will bless you. Smile
ReplyDeleteArmond: I sense you are not only an Idiot, but also have a rough side to you. God is trying to get you to show your softer side; thus, feeding 50 cats a day and taking them to the river bank to live. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteWhen one has a kazillion demands on one, how does that Harried One find the time, energy, peace of mind, etc.,to Do Art, Be Creative, and just generally stay sane. (Sanity being an elusive state at best.)
ReplyDeleteYour ideas will be appreciated.
This is the time to do that experimental art you've always thought you might try. Take a very large canvas, put it against the largest wall, mix several divine colors, take a large brush, and throw the paint at the canvas. This will take care of many things. Maybe you'll end up with a pony. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeletemiss. nibbles,
ReplyDeletei`m trying to earn 80 dollars by christmas, meaning i need to earn about 14 dollars a month, but i can`t find a way to get money fats. got any suggesstions?
- a freind.......
I'll pay you $80 to help me set up by blog properly. I'm such a computer nerd. Deal?
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteAm I the friend that "Candida" is annoyed about?
Dear Ms. Nibbling,
ReplyDeleteHow do I become a member instead of a follower on your site?
Dear Nunzi:
ReplyDeleteI put on my swami hat, turned in a circle three times and received the answer in a blaze of glory: no, you have nothing to fear. Ms Niblings
Dear Anni: Ms Nibblings is wondering why you must make this distinction. Are you trying to say you're not a follower? Most of my people who ask questions show up as members. I have not the computer intellect to figure it out. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteDear Nunzi: Unless, of course, she invites you to a free movie. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteWhy do you sometimes write your name "Niblings" with one b? Is there a deep and significant psychological meaning to that?
Sorry, no such fun, Nunzi. My left forefinger which hits the bbbb key sometimes gets numb or jerky. That's my excuse, anyway. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. My left forefinger has been long overused. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteDear Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteMy nine-year-old daughter insisted on catching rattlesnakes, is over dramatic and enjoys dressing up in dark dramatic outfits and posing for pictures. Did I mention that she wants to be an actress? How you I help her find creative outlets for her passion when we live in a one-horse town?
Dear Ms. Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteI have a dog who wont stay in my backyard. He jumps over the fence constantly. I have given him everything to try to keep him here, but nothing works. Please help!
My daughter is preventing me from seeing my grandson everyday because she lives in another state. My other daughter has joined her in this despicable interprise. Moving closer to her is not an option. What shall I do?
ReplyDeleteGenna: I would advise you to wait for the circus to come to town (which it always does in a one-horse town) and then let her join. She will be a great act and could bring in $$ for college. Mis Nibblings
ReplyDeleteBrooke: He is searching for companionship. Find him an adorable female puppy. I promise you, he will stay home. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteNunzi: Buy your grandchild his own cellphone, his own computer, and have his mother post him on youtube and facebook every day, plus help him get his own blog. You will soon be all consumed and content. If you must hold him, however, fly his greatgrandmother, along with your grandson, to your home at least once a month. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteNunzi: This is why I write only to idiots. Interprise is spelled Enterprise. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteMs. Nibblings, do you not know that "interprize" is a prize that is passed around and reused in the office among hateful coworkers? I actually misspelled the "prize" part of the word. So there.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, my grandson's own facebook account is a grand idea. I will inform his mother.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Nibblings,
ReplyDeletetoday was my last day of work. Must I sit around and watch soap operas and eat bon bons?
Nunzi: bon bons are a great fatmaker, and soaps are a silly waste of time. Ms Nibblings suggests instead that you clean house for 4 hours, do pilates for 2 hours, garden for 2 hours, and cook for your family for 2 hours. There you are, the day is gone.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll sit around and watch soap operas and eat bon bons...
ReplyDeleteMs Nibblings needs to know if you, yourself, are a patriot or if you are merely attempting to raise one.If you are one, you are definitely not watching soaps. If you are raising patriots, you must set a good example by throwing out the TV set, and all sugar items in the home. Patriots need to think clearly, and be ready to spring to action in a second. Enroll them in a military academy when they are old enough. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteMs. Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteI find that my two cats keep me up at night. They sleep in the evening instead of visiting with me, and then play and fight and run and act like MONSTERS all night long. What do I do? I know they are night creatures, but HELP.
Ok, now they are awake, and I want to sleep...it's too late for tonight. It's not going to be pretty.
ReplyDeleteMs Nibblings thinks you sound like a classic victim. Cats are domestic animals, although arrogant and uncontrollable. I don't know if you were aware that they are also night creatures, so can not possibly live up to your expectations. Therefore, build them a jungle gym with food, water and litter box, and lock them in whichever room you have available, even if it be the extra bathroom. If your mother (you did mention her, didn't you) uses that particular bathroom, well, so much the better. You'll also be keeping her in check, as she will stay humble, not knowing what you may do next. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteDear Laura: Ms Nibblings is so unhappy to hear about your bathroom. I suppose you can replace the shredded shower curtain, the "last ditch" face cream, fix the commode full of cat litter and take your poor cat to the Vet, but I do understand it's upsetting. i think it's quite amazing that the older cat was able to tourniquet your younger cat's leg with toilet paper. What breed are they? Did you say your wig was in the litter box? Well, don't get too emotional about that, please, it was probably for the best. Ms Nibblings thanks you for not making all this my fault. After all, as I said, only idiots take advice.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading my mind. I need so much to figure out a way to survive these creatures.
So tell me this... if the younger cat acts like the "alpha" and tries to bully the older, should I intervene or let nature take its course?
Another quick question - what do you think of the term "age appropriate clothing" ???
ReplyDeleteDear Ladi..The first thing you must do, is be sure you are the "alpha",otherwise, it's all over. Secondly, one can never alter the course of nature. If we could, tigers would be friendly animal pets, and lions would be watchdogs. Must I go on?
ReplyDeleteDear Ladi...I embrace both the term and the meaning. I would hate to see 30 year old women in diapers and onesies going down the street. I would also hate to see old women (and unfortunately sometimes I do) in shorts and midriffs. I, myself, am extremely conscientious about such appropriateness. I only wear my bathing suit to the pool, and maybe the dollar store. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteAnnette stays up all night because she has the summer off and reads those Harry whats his name books in my bed while I am trying to sleep, what should I do???
ReplyDeleteDear Ms Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteWhen is a person "late", and when is a person "fashionably late"? Along that theme, what is the difference between "procrastination" and giving "due thought and consideration" before begining a venture?
Sincerely Yours,
Raphael
Dear Ms. Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteMy 10.6 month-old son sometimes screams and crawls away from me during church and it's hard to control him. What should I do?
-A Trying-to-be-Patient Mother
Ms Nibblings deeply regrets her long absence from her advice page. Ån extremely nasty virus has taken hold of her pc and she has had to move to use one. With the death of the precious pc, and since Ms Nibblings has no shopping time available, she is taking donations from her huge and generous family. 1c each should suffice. Ånd now, on to better things; you have missed me long enough.
ReplyDeleteDear Armond: First, why are you calling the bed, "my" bed. Is this truly "your" bed or do you both share? Or, is it "her" bed, and she is allowing you access? Åfter this has been determined, you can do one of the following five things to assure you a good night's sleep.
ReplyDelete1. burn the book
2. break the light fixture
3. Sleep in another room
4. Make her sleep in another room
5. suck her toes; it will induce instant sleep
ps: my children always fell asleep when I sucked their toes, especially my oldest son
Ms Nibblings
Dear David: The term, "fashionably late" was coined in the 1800's by the "fashionable" upper East side ladies and gentlemen. You see, it took so long for the fashionable husband to tie the fashionable lady's corset, it being a size 8 and the lady being a size 14, that it was under-stood by all when this hapless couple arrived late. The host and hostess completely understood, and this was considered fashionable. The more fleshy parts of the lady oozing out, the more fashionably late she was.
ReplyDeleteBe grateful that today's notion of someone being "late" is that they are merely rude.
Your second question re: procrastination vs due process depends entirely upon the character of the person involved. In my experience, lawmakers (Congress), lawyers, students, and ÇEO'S procrastinate, while the humble merchant, farmer, and candlestick maker give due process of thought.
I, myself, in order to set a good example for my family and followers, would NEVER procrastinate.´
Dear Cameron: It completely depends upon which church you go to. In my experience, it is the husband's responsibility to take the child out. He can then either:
ReplyDelete1. Beat him/her
2. Lock him/her out
3. Give the little monster sweet treats
4. Dump him/her on the lap of the oldest granny in the room. Granny's ALWAYS know how to manage babies.
Ms Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteArmond said, and I quote, "If Rollie was the dinosaur, and you were the mother goose, and Armond was the little dinosaur, what does that make Annette?"
That would make the beautiful Annette an elegant Swan, since Little Goose has long been taken. Lucky Armond.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms Nibblings, I have reasently realized that my cats fur is quite a boring mix of colors (black and white) I thought I would ask what color do you think is best to dye her fur?
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Nibblings, I noticed that you use the title "Ms" instead of Mrs. or Miss...
ReplyDeleteAre you into women's lib? you sound like a funny mix of conservative, liberal, happy, sad, comical and serious. Which is it??? Who is the real Ms. Nibblings??
Can I also add to PatriotMonkey, cat fur doesn't dye very well. I tried it with mine, and they are now rather motley looking. They also hide from me, which is sad but understandable. Why don't you just learn to love your poor cat as she is???
ReplyDeleteMy dear confused MS/MISS Ladi:
ReplyDelete1. What kind of dye did you use? The one that I suspect is in huge supply in your closet for your own use? Of course, that commercial junk would never work for the silky hair of a cat; try food dye, sweetie; works every time.
2. You are now giving advice to my readers? Very brave of you, but of course you were wrong. Giving advice to idiots is reserved for very special people who understand the idiot population quite well. And to tell PatriotMonkey to love her as she is? Would you love a boring, black and white whatever? I think not. Not
Dear Ms Curious Ladi: As to WHO/WHAT Ms Nibblings really is: What an overly-bold question from an apparently very nosy reader.
ReplyDeleteYou must be a very interested follower to have gleaned so much from so little. I am actually a conservative, liberal, happy, sad, comical, serious mix of such kindness as you have never known, enough humanity to comfort a Nation, enough COMMON SENSE to rule the world. But I do get cold when it snows.
Why do we park in our driveways and drive on our parkways????
ReplyDeleteDear Dante: A true thinker; so far, you are first in the running for most funny/most clever question to Ms Nibblings.
ReplyDeleteThe official explanation for "driveway" is that in 1950, when suburbs first came into national fame, an infamous contractor by the name of Dewbury coined the term when he was trying to explain to his cement contractor that there needed to be a "way to drive" right up to the garage. Thus, the term "driveway" came into being.
In the 1960's, during the flower/hippie movement, on the way to Woodstock, there were volkswagen vans parked for tens of hundreds of miles along the highway. One consternated highway patrolmen called his field office to complain that the highway had become a "parkway" for hippies. Thus, the name stuck, and there are, today, thousands of "parkways" in the East; the custom has since become popular over the entire country.
Why are highways called "high" and not "low". Why are the roads to San Francisco called "freeways" when you can't get there without paying a toll?
Ms. Nibblings,
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that when people are hungry, they go to the fridge to find something to eat and just stand there and stare because nothing looks good, but 10 minutes later they go back and do the same thing?
DearBrooke: This is a habit developed in extremely obedient persons of a dutiful nature. They have long been told, since tiny childhood, to eat their leftovers. Parents went through this punishment as children and they pass it on. Thus, a sweet, kind person such as yourself, with true hunger, first goes to the fridge to stare at leftovers. To avoid having to eat such a hideous thing, they leave, only to come back once again, trying to be obedient. The next step, of course, is to reach for the leftover and accidently drop it on the floor. Cleaning the mess up is much better than making yourself eat it. Then, call for delivery of something you would truly like to consume, conscious clear. Ms Nibblings
ReplyDeleteThe other day when I was at ballet practice, I kept falling down. :( My instructor comes over and says "Everyone knows that practice makes perfect" and then walks away. Then I get on the phone and tell my girlfriend about my bad day at practice. She says "Don't fret it honey, nobody's perfect!" So now I'm thinking to myself "If nobody is perfect, then what the heck is the purpose of practicing????"
ReplyDeletePlease help.
The problem, Dante, is linguistic. Sadly, we now have a society where most individuals do not distinguish between person, place, or thing, as most of us were taught in elementary school. Your instructor meant that the performance of the "act" (thing) could become perfect with practice. Highly improbable, as most ballet masters will tell you, but close to attainable per existing standards.
ReplyDeleteYour girlfriend, ignoring this linguistic distinction, as most girlfriends do, was referring to the "person" (you) as becoming perfect, which we all know, if accomplished, would get us promptly translated. They are simply two different issues, and both parties are somewhat correct. Bringing up the next question, is there such a thing as "somewhat correct"? Ms Nibblings
PS To Dante:
ReplyDeleteThe purpose of practicing is to achieve the highest level of skill that is necessary, desirable, or obtainable within the realm of possibility. Ms N
Ms. Nibblings, where have you been? I heard you were in the hospital. What about our needs? We need your advice. Please get better soon. BTW, glad you are better. So... what does a person do when they want to start their own business? how do I get the creative juices going...
ReplyDeleteDear Ladi: Thank you for asking. I have been on the first fringe of hell. Never go to the hospital unless it's absolutely mandatory. And then, remember to write out your will. Just escaping through an open window and speeding out to the airport was enough energy to keep me in house for at least a week. However, I am now practically perfect in every way.
ReplyDeleteTo start your own business, bring in God as your first senior partner. Then find an over-intelligent, pompous little male creature who likes to be in the top spot. Let him do all the work and pretend he is in the top spot. As soon as you are up and running, fire him as his ego will be far too much for you to put up with.
Ms. Nibblings
Just blogging around this evening and I must say this is the most different post I have ever read on any of the blogs, but it was interesting. Thanks for letting me visit.
ReplyDeleteSusan
http://amazingcouponanddiscountdeals.blogspot.com
http://susan-livinghealthywithchallenges.blogspot.com